Fourth Year Kitchen Sink Memories......

Back in those heady days in 1983, I was at the beginning of my fourth year. The newly risen phoenix of Elgar High School had failed to soar spectacularly out of the cold dead ashes of Perdiswell and Sammies. In the dull afterglow of this befuddled amalgamation, was an administrative nightmare that consisted of all of us in our year being split up into our various subject classes, combined with the seemingly random form classes that we randomly scattered into.

In my instance, I had to endure Physics with the torpid Mr. Tavendar, Chemistry with the pedantic Mr. Cummings, Maths with the abrasive Mr. Powney, English Language with the sardonic Mrs. Davies, English Literature with the adept Mrs Clayton, Art with the austere Mr. Ryder, History with the drab Mrs Morphy and Geography with the indecipherable Mr. Davis. My form tutor was Mrs. Rogers, who 'taught' domestic science (a euphemism for cookery) and from my own first-hand experience was at best a mediocre cook disguised as a second rate teacher, who looked every inch the poor Elgar High School middle-class knock-off of Fanny Cradock, which had gone badly-badly wrong. Amongst others who were in our form were Robert Lewis, Paul Gummery, Darren Wells, Richard Weston, Michael Barrow and Phil Young. If I'm completely honest, I was never at ease in that form. All my mates from my third years (in our form 3B) had been split up, and I always felt isolated, nervous and on edge. Probably with good cause too! Our classroom at that time was in the science block on the second floor, in one of those domestic science laboratories which was really a low-tech kitchen in disguise.

Joanne Honeywood, Joanne Powell, Jo Tryner and Sarah Greatbatch on location at the Science Block

During the summer break my mum had bought me a coat from Kays, it wasn't anything special, but it did the job and came in handy. One innocuous lunchtime I returned back to school from home. As I walked around the science block I heard voices calling me from above, as I briefly glanced upwards I noticed that whoever they were had something sinister.....It was a fully loaded bottle of Fairy Liquid, and before I could say "Now hands that do dishes can feel soft as your face...." I was covered in washing-up liquid. It was worse enough that the washing up liquid was all over my coat, but it had also got in my eyes, and was pretty sore. I looked up, and perched above, hanging out of the window were the laughing faces of my baby-faced Fairy Liquid assassins.....It was Rob Lewis and Phil Young.

A few days after my 'squirting' I was making my way home from school. It had started to rain as I trudged down Church Road, it was just my luck that it was a sharp, heavy downpour. I felt thankful that I took my new coat with me! As the rain started to get heavier I noticed something peculiar about my coat. It was a solid navy blue colour, and as I traipsed in the rain strange things started to happen. I looked down and certain areas of my coat were starting to go a strange white colour. As the rain got heavier the navy blue of my coat started to exude a rainbow tinged bubbly froth. It then began to dawn on me that it might be the Fairy Liquid that Rob Lewis and Phil Young had doused me with. The more it rained the worse it got

By the time I had got down to the junction of Church Road and Astwood Road it looked as though I had contracted a particularly severe case of rabies, and couldn't wait to get home and get out of the suds  rain.

From that day on I never trusted anyone in my form, and even to this day I have an irrational fear of soap suds and washing up liquid commercials......

By the way that was embarrassing moment: #1048